Toefl Best Essay Samples

The Writing section can be the most daunting section of the TOEFL. You’ll have 50 minutes to write two complete essays that must meet multiple requirements and show a strong grasp of English. Knowing what graders are looking for and reviewing TOEFL Writing samples can go a long way towards helping you get a high score on this section.

This guide will go over both of the TOEFL Writing tasks, explain how they’re graded, go over a high-scoring TOEFL Writing sample for each essay type, and end with TOEFL Writing examples for you to analyze.

 

The TOEFL Writing Section

The TOEFL Writing section is 50 minutes long (broken into two parts) and contains two tasks: Integrated Writing and Independent Writing. It’s the fourth and final section of the exam. You’ll type both essays on the computer. The next two sections will explain the format and requirements of each of the writing tasks as well as how they will be scored.

 

TOEFL Integrated Writing Task

The Integrated Writing task requires you to use listening, reading, and writing skills. For this task, you’ll have three minutes to read a short passage, then you’ll listen to a short (approximately two-minute long) audio clip of a speaker discussing the same topic the written passage covers.

You’ll have 20 minutes to plan and write a response that references both of these sources in order to answer the question. You won’t discuss your own opinion. During the writing time, you’ll be able to look at the written passage again, but you won’t be able to re-hear the audio clip. You’ll be able to take notes while you listen to it though. The suggested response length for this task is 150-225 words.

 

For this essay, you’ll be graded on the quality of your writing as well as how well your response represents the main points of the audio clip and written passage and how they relate to each other. Each essay receives a score from 0-5. For both essay types, you can check out the complete rubric used for official grading. Below are key points from the Integrated Writing rubric. (You can view complete rubric for both essays here.)

ScoreRubric Notes
5
  • Successfully selects the important information from the lecture.
  • Coherently and accurately presents information from both the lecture and the reading.
  • Well organized with few language errors.
4
  • Generally good in selecting the important information from the lecture and reading.
  • May have minor omission, inaccuracy, vagueness, or imprecision of some content.
  • More frequent or noticeable minor language errors.
3
  • It conveys only vague, global, unclear, or somewhat imprecise information about the lecture and reading.
  • Key points may be missing.
  • Errors of usage and/or grammar may be more frequent and obscure meanings.
2
  • Contains some relevant information from the lecture, but is marked by significant language difficulties or by significant omission or inaccuracy of important ideas.
1
  • Provides little or no meaningful or relevant coherent content from the lecture.
  • The language level of the response is so low that it is difficult to derive meaning.
0
  • Merely copies sentences from the reading, rejects the topic or is not connected to the topic, is written in a foreign language,or is blank.

 

 

TOEFL Independent Writing Task

For the Independent Writing task, you’ll have receive a question on a particular topic or issue. You’ll have 30 minutes to plan and write a response to that topic that explains your opinion on it. You’ll need to give reasons that support your decision. It’s recommended that your response to this task be at least 300 words.

You’ll be graded on how well you develop your ideas, how well your essay is organized, and how accurately you use English to express your ideas.

ScoreRubric Notes
5
  • Effectively addresses the topic and task.
  • Is well organized and developed.
  • Displays strong and consistent language skills with minimal errors.
4
  • Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated.
  • Is generally well organized and well developed.
  • Occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning.
3
  • Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.
  • May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning.
2
  • Limited development in response to the topic and task.
  • Lack of details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task.
  • An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage.
1
  • Little or no detail, or irrelevant specifics, or questionable responsiveness to the task.
  • Serious and frequent errors in sentence structure or usage.
0
  • Merely copies sentences from the reading, rejects the topic or is not connected to the topic, is written in a foreign language,or is blank.

 

Top-Scoring TOEFL Integrated Writing Sample

Below is an official TOEFL Integrated Writing sample question and as well as an essay response that received a score of 5. It includes a written passage, the transcript of a conversation (which would be an audio recording on the actual TOEFL, and the essay prompt. After the prompt is an example of a top-scoring essay. You can read the essay in full, then read our comments on what exactly about this essay gives it a top score.

 

Integrated Writing Example Prompt

You have three minutes to read the following passage and take notes.In many organizations, perhaps the best way to approach certain new projects is to assemble a group of people into a team. Having a team of people attack a project offers several advantages. First of all, a group of people has a wider range of knowledge, expertise, and skills than any single individual is likely to possess. Also, because of the numbers of people involved and the greater resources they possess, a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it and can come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issues. Sometimes these creative solutions come about because a group is more likely to make risky decisions that an individual might not undertake. This is because the group spreads responsibility for a decision to all the members and thus no single individual can be held accountable if the decision turns out to be wrong.

Taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team. Team members who have a voice in making a decision will no doubt feel better about carrying out the work that is entailed by that decision than they might doing work that is imposed on them by others. Also, the individual team member has a much better chance to “shine,” to get his or her contributions and ideas not only recognized but recognized as highly significant, because a team’s overall results can be more far-reaching and have greater impact than what might have otherwise been possible for the person to accomplish or contribute working alone.

 

Now listen to part of a lecture on the topic you just read about.

(Professor) Now I want to tell you about what one company found when it decided that it would turn over some of its new projects to teams of people, and make the team responsible for planning the projects and getting the work done. After about six months, the company took a look at how well the teams performed. On virtually every team, some members got almost a “free ride” … they didn’t contribute much at all, but if their team did a good job, they nevertheless benefited from the recognition the team got. And what about group members who worked especially well and who provided a lot of insight on problems and issues? Well…the recognition for a job well done went to the group as a whole, no names were named. So it won’t surprise you to learn that when the real contributors were asked how they felt about the group process, their attitude was just the opposite of what the reading predicts. Another finding was that some projects just didn’t move very quickly. Why? Because it took so long to reach consensus…it took many, many meetings to build the agreement among group members about how they would move the project along. On the other hand, there were other instances where one or two people managed to become very influential over what their group did. Sometimes when those influencers said “That will never work” about an idea the group was developing, the idea was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed. And then there was another occasion when a couple influencers convinced the group that a plan of theirs was “highly creative.” And even though some members tried to warn the rest of the group that the project was moving in directions that might not work, they were basically ignored by other group members. Can you guess the ending to *this* story? When the project failed, the blame was placed on all the members of the group.

 

Directions

You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.

Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on points made in the reading.

 

TOEFL Integrated Writing Sample Essay

The lecturer talks about research conducted by a firm that used the group system to handle their work. He says that the theory stated in the passage was very different and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened for real.

First, some members got free rides. That is, some didn’t work hard but gotrecognition for the success nontheless. This also indicates that people who worked hard was not given recognition they should have got. In other words, they weren’t given the oppotunity to “shine”. This derectly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Second, groups were slow in progress. The passage says that groups are nore responsive than individuals because of the number of people involved and their aggregated resources. However, the speaker talks about how the firm found out that groups were slower than individuals in dicision making. Groups needed more time for meetings, which are neccesary procceedures in decision making. This was another part where experience contradicted theory.

Third, influetial people might emerge, and lead the group towards glory or failure. If the influent people are going in the right direction there would be no problem. But in cases where they go in the wrong direction, there is nobody that has enough influence to counter the decision made. In other words, the group might turn into a dictatorship, with the influential party as the leader, and might be less flexible in thinking. They might become one-sided, and thus fail to succeed.

 

TOEFL Writing Sample Analysis

There are three key things this TOEFL example essay does that results in its high score:

  • Clearly presents main points
  • Contrasts lecture and reading points
  • Few grammatical/spelling errors

This essay clearly organizes the three main points made in the lecture, which is what the first part of the prompt asked for. (“Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard.”) There is one paragraph for each point, and the point is clearly stated within the first sentence of the paragraph followed by specific details from the lecture. This organization makes it easy to follow the writer’s thinking and see that they understood the lecture.

Additionally, the essay clearly contrasts points made in the lecture with points made in the reading. Each main paragraph includes an example of how the two are different, and the writer makes these differences clear by using words and phrases such as “however” and “this directly contradicts.” Stating these differences answers the second part of the prompt (“explain how they cast doubt on points made in the reading”) and shows that the writer understood both the lecture and reading well enough to differentiate between the two.

Finally, there are only a few minor spelling and grammar errors, the most noticeable of which is the incorrect use of the word “influent” in the final paragraph (it should be “influential”), and they do not detract from the meaning of the essay. This writer shows a strong grasp of the English language, a key TOEFL skill.

This essay shows that the writer understood the main points of both the lecture and the reading well enough to both describe them and contrast them. That, along with the relatively few mechanical errors, gives the essay a top score.

 

 

Top-Scoring Independent TOEFL Writing Sample

Below is an official Independent Writing prompt and top-scoring sample essay. Beneath the essay we analyze what about the essay resulted in it receiving a top score.

 

Independent Writing Example Prompt

DirectionsRead the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Independent TOEFL Writing Sample Essay

the traditional virtue of telling the truth in all situations is increasingly doubted by many in today’s world. many believe that telling the truth is not always the best policy when dealing with people. moreover, the line of a “truth” is becoming more and more vague. this essay will explore the importance of telling the truth in relationships between people.

we all understand that often the truth is offending and may not be a very nice thing to both hear or say. lies or white lies often have their advantages. the manipulation of white lies is the most obvious the business world. how many times have we heard that some product is “the finest” or “the cheapest”? how many times have we heard that products have such and such “magical functions”? advertising is about persuasion, and many would agree that if a company is to tell the absolute truth about it’s products, no one would be interested in even having a look at the products.

the same logic applies to human relationships. if your friend had worn a newly purchased dress on her birthday and energetically asked you if it was a worthy buy, would you freely express your opinion that you had never seen a dress as the one she’s currently wearing? and spoil her birthday? unarguably, hiding(entirely or particially) the truth in some situations can be quite handy indeed. confrontations and disputes can seemingly be avoided.

however, there is always the risk factor of the truth emerging sooner or later when telling an untruth. the basic trust in any relationships(businessman/customer, friends, parents/children) will be blotched, and would have an impact on the future relationship between both parties. the story of the “the boy who cried wolf” fully illustrates the consequenes of telling untruths. no one will believe you when you’re telling the truth. your word will have no weighting.

in addition, another “bad factor” of telling untruths is that you have absolutely no control over when the truth(of previous untruths) will emerge. untruths breed pain in both parties: tears when the truth is uncovered after a period of time; fear and the burden of sharing a “secret”. in the long run, it seems that hiding the truth is not beneficial to either party.
everyone hates betrayal. even if it is the trend to occasionally hide the truth in relationships, it is strongly recommended that not to follow that trend as the risk and the consequences of the truth unfolded overwhelms the minimal advantages one can derive from not telling the truth. afterall, it is understood that relationships are founded on “trust” which goes hand in hand with “truth”. indeed telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. always.

 

TOEFL Writing Sample Analysis

There are three key things this essay does that results in its high score, and each is explained in more detail below.

  • Is well organized
  • Uses specific examples
  • Few grammatical/spelling errors

The essay, like the first one, is well organized. The writer’s position is clear within the first few sentences, and the rest of the essay elaborates on that position. Each paragraph begins with a new major point that is then explained. This logical flow of ideas is easy for readers to follow and shows that the writer knows how to set up a clear argument.

Another reason the essay received a top score is because the writer used specific examples to make her point. By using specific examples, such as a friend buying a new outfit and asking your opinion and phrases businesses use to sell products, the writer makes her argument stronger and more concrete.

Finally, despite the lack of capitalization throughout the essay, there are few spelling and grammatical errors, and the ones that do exist don’t detract from the meaning of the essay or make it confusing to understand. This shows a strong command of English and the ability to write in-depth essays that are clear and get their point across.

 

 

Where to Find More TOEFL Writing Samples

Below are a list of other places, official and unofficial, where you can find TOEFL Writing examples. You can use these examples to get a better idea of what a high-scoring essay looks like and what graders are looking for on the Writing section.

 

Official Resources

Official resources are always the best to use since you can be sure the essay prompts are accurate and the sample essays were accurately scored.

 

TOEFL iBT Writing Sample Responses

This resource contains several sample essays (including the two sample responses used above). The essays from on this site received different scores as well as analysis of why they received the score they did. This can be helpful if you want more information on, say, what differentiates an essay that got a “5” from an essay that got a “4”.

 

TOEFL iBT Test Questions

This is a complete practice TOEFL, but it does include several sample essays along with score explanations so you can get a more in-depth look at how and why different essays received the scores they did.

 

Unofficial Resources

There are numerous unofficial TOEFL writing samples out there, of varying quality. Below are two of the best.

 

TOEFL Resources

This site has several dozen sample essays for both the Integrated and Independent Writing topics. There’s no scoring analysis, but you do get a good variety of essay topics and essay samples so that you can get a sense of how to approach different essay prompts.

 

Good Luck TOEFL

Good Luck TOEFL has seven sample Independent Writing essays (no Integrated Writing). There’s no scoring analysis, but the essays and prompts are similar to official TOEFL essay topics.

 

Review: Analyzing TOEFL Writing Examples

Writing can be a particularly tricky TOEFL section, and seeing TOEFL Writing samples can go a long way to helping you feel more confident. For TOEFL Writing, you’ll need to write two essays, the Integrated Writing Task and the Independent Writing Task. Looking over the rubrics for both these essays and understanding what graders will be looking for can help you understand what to include in your own essays.

Both essays are scored on a scale of 0-5. Top-scoring essays generally need to have good organization, specific examples, answer the prompt completely, and minor spelling and grammar errors. It can also be useful to review other TOEFL writing samples to get a better idea of what a great TOEFL essay looks like.

 

What’s Next?

Looking for more information on the TOEFL Writing section? Learn all the tips you need to know in order to ace TOEFL Writing!

Want more tips on how to prepare for TOEFL Writing questions?Check out our guide to the best ways to practice for TOEFL Writing!

Looking for a great TOEFL prep book? A good prep book can be the most important study tool you use, and we have information on all the best TOEFL prep books you should consider.

Related

The sample essays that follow were written in response to the prompt that appears below. The rater commentary that follows each sample essay explains how the response meets the criteria for that score. For a more complete understanding of the criteria for each score point, see the "Analyze an Argument" Scoring Guide.

In surveys Mason City residents rank water sports (swimming, boating and fishing) among their favorite recreational activities. The Mason River flowing through the city is rarely used for these pursuits, however, and the city park department devotes little of its budget to maintaining riverside recreational facilities. For years there have been complaints from residents about the quality of the river's water and the river's smell. In response, the state has recently announced plans to clean up Mason River. Use of the river for water sports is therefore sure to increase. The city government should for that reason devote more money in this year's budget to riverside recreational facilities.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

Note: All responses are reproduced exactly as written, including errors, misspellings, etc., if any.

Essay Response — Score 6

While it may be true that the Mason City government ought to devote more money to riverside recreational facilities, this author's argument does not make a cogent case for increased resources based on river use. It is easy to understand why city residents would want a cleaner river, but this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, not strong enough to lead to increased funding.

Citing surveys of city residents, the author reports city resident's love of water sports. It is not clear, however, the scope and validity of that survey. For example, the survey could have asked residents if they prefer using the river for water sports or would like to see a hydroelectric dam built, which may have swayed residents toward river sports. The sample may not have been representative of city residents, asking only those residents who live upon the river. The survey may have been 10 pages long, with 2 questions dedicated to river sports. We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it can not be used to effectively back the author's argument.

Additionally, the author implies that residents do not use the river for swimming, boating, and fishing, despite their professed interest, because the water is polluted and smelly. While a polluted, smelly river would likely cut down on river sports, a concrete connection between the resident's lack of river use and the river's current state is not effectively made. Though there have been complaints, we do not know if there have been numerous complaints from a wide range of people, or perhaps from one or two individuals who made numerous complaints. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would benefit from implementing a normed survey asking a wide range of residents why they do not currently use the river.

Building upon the implication that residents do not use the river due to the quality of the river's water and the smell, the author suggests that a river clean up will result in increased river usage. If the river's water quality and smell result from problems which can be cleaned, this may be true. For example, if the decreased water quality and aroma is caused by pollution by factories along the river, this conceivably could be remedied. But if the quality and aroma results from the natural mineral deposits in the water or surrounding rock, this may not be true. There are some bodies of water which emit a strong smell of sulphur due to the geography of the area. This is not something likely to be afffected by a clean-up. Consequently, a river clean up may have no impact upon river usage. Regardless of whether the river's quality is able to be improved or not, the author does not effectively show a connection between water quality and river usage.

A clean, beautiful, safe river often adds to a city's property values, leads to increased tourism and revenue from those who come to take advantage of the river, and a better overall quality of life for residents. For these reasons, city government may decide to invest in improving riverside recreational facilities. However, this author's argument is not likely significantly persuade the city goverment to allocate increased funding.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 6

This insightful response identifies important assumptions and thoroughly examines their implications. The essay shows that the proposal to spend more on riverside recreational facilities rests on three questionable assumptions, namely:

  • that the survey provides a reliable basis for budget planning
  • that the river’s pollution and odor are the only reasons for its limited recreational use
  • that efforts to clean the water and remove the odor will be successful

By showing that each assumption is highly suspect, this essay demonstrates the weakness of the entire argument. For example, paragraph 2 points out that the survey might not have used a representative sample, might have offered limited choices, and might have contained very few questions on water sports.

Paragraph 3 examines the tenuous connection between complaints and limited use of the river for recreation. Complaints about water quality and odor may be coming from only a few people and, even if such complaints are numerous, other completely different factors may be much more significant in reducing river usage. Finally, paragraph 4 explains that certain geologic features may prevent effective river clean-up. Details such as these provide compelling support.

In addition, careful organization ensures that each new point builds upon the previous ones. For example, note the clear transitions at the beginning of paragraphs 3 and 4, as well as the logical sequence of sentences within paragraphs (specifically paragraph 4).

Although this essay does contain minor errors, it still conveys ideas fluently. Note the effective word choices (e.g., "rife with . . . assumptions" and "may have swayed residents"). In addition, sentences are not merely varied; they also display skillful embedding of subordinate elements.

Since this response offers cogent examination of the argument and conveys meaning skillfully, it earns a score of 6.

Essay Response — Score 5

The author of this proposal to increase the budget for Mason City riverside recreational facilities offers an interesting argument but to move forward on the proposal would definitely require more information and thought. While the correlations stated are logical and probable, there may be hidden factors that prevent the City from diverting resources to this project.

For example, consider the survey rankings among Mason City residents. The thought is that such high regard for water sports will translate into usage. But, survey responses can hardly be used as indicators of actual behavior. Many surveys conducted after the winter holidays reveal people who list exercise and weight loss as a top priority. Yet every profession does not equal a new gym membership. Even the wording of the survey results remain ambiguous and vague. While water sports may be among the residents' favorite activities, this allows for many other favorites. What remains unknown is the priorities of the general public. Do they favor these water sports above a softball field or soccer field? Are they willing to sacrifice the municipal golf course for better riverside facilities? Indeed the survey hardly provides enough information to discern future use of improved facilities.

Closely linked to the surveys is the bold assumption that a cleaner river will result in increased usage. While it is not illogical to expect some increase, at what level will people begin to use the river? The answer to this question requires a survey to find out the reasons our residents use or do not use the river. Is river water quality the primary limiting factor to usage or the lack of docks and piers? Are people more interested in water sports than the recreational activities that they are already engaged in? These questions will help the city government forecast how much river usage will increase and to assign a proportional increase to the budget.

Likewise, the author is optimistic regarding the state promise to clean the river. We need to hear the source of the voices and consider any ulterior motives. Is this a campaign year and the plans a campaign promise from the state representative? What is the timeline for the clean-up effort? Will the state fully fund this project? We can imagine the misuse of funds in renovating the riverside facilities only to watch the new buildings fall into dilapidation while the state drags the river clean-up.

Last, the author does not consider where these additional funds will be diverted from. The current budget situation must be assessed to determine if this increase can be afforded. In a sense, the City may not be willing to draw money away from other key projects from road improvements to schools and education. The author naively assumes that the money can simply appear without forethought on where it will come from.

Examining all the various angles and factors involved with improving riverside recreational facilities, the argument does not justify increasing the budget. While the proposal does highlight a possibility, more information is required to warrant any action.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 5

Each paragraph in the body of this perceptive essay identifies and examines an unstated assumption that is crucial to the argument. The major assumptions discussed are:

  • that a survey can accurately predict behavior
  • that cleaning the river will, in itself, increase recreational usage
  • that state plans to clean the river will actually be realized
  • that Mason City can afford to spend more on riverside recreational facilities

Support within each paragraph is both thoughtful and thorough. For example, paragraph 2 points out vagueness in the wording of the survey: Even if water sports rank among the favorite recreational activities of Mason City residents, other sports may still be much more popular. Thus, if the first assumption proves unwarranted, the argument to fund riverside facilities — rather than soccer fields or golf courses — becomes much weaker. Paragraph 4 considers several reasons why river clean-up plans may not be successful (the plans may be nothing more than campaign promises or funding may not be adequate). Thus, the weakness of the third assumption undermines the argument that river recreation will increase and riverside improvements will be needed at all.

Instead of dismissing each assumption in isolation, this response places them in a logical order and considers their connections. Note the appropriate transitions between and within paragraphs, clarifying the links among the assumptions (e.g., "Closely linked to the surveys …" or "The answer to this question requires...").

Along with strong development, this response also displays facility with language. Minor errors in punctuation are present, but word choices are apt and sentences suitably varied in pattern and length. The response uses a number of rhetorical questions, but the implied answers are always clear enough to support the points being made.

Thus, the response satisfies all requirements for a score of 5, but its development is not thorough or compelling enough for a 6.

Essay Response — Score 4

The problem with the arguement is the assumption that if the Mason River were cleaned up, that people would use it for water sports and recreation. This is not necessarily true, as people may rank water sports among their favorite recreational activities, but that does not mean that those same people have the financial ability, time or equipment to pursue those interests.

However, even if the writer of the arguement is correct in assuming that the Mason River will be used more by the city's residents, the arguement does not say why the recreational facilities need more money. If recreational facilities already exist along the Mason River, why should the city allot more money to fund them? If the recreational facilities already in existence will be used more in the coming years, then they will be making more money for themselves, eliminating the need for the city government to devote more money to them.

According to the arguement, the reason people are not using the Mason River for water sports is because of the smell and the quality of water, not because the recreational facilities are unacceptable.

If the city government alloted more money to the recreational facilities, then the budget is being cut from some other important city project. Also, if the assumptions proved unwarranted, and more people did not use the river for recreation, then much money has been wasted, not only the money for the recreational facilities, but also the money that was used to clean up the river to attract more people in the first place.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 4

This competent response identifies two unstated assumptions:

  • that cleaning up the Mason River will lead to increased recreational use
  • that existing facilities along the river need more funding

Paragraph 1 offers reasons why the first assumption is questionable (e.g., residents may not have the necessary time or money for water sports). Similarly, paragraphs 2 and 3 explain that riverside recreational facilities may already be adequate and may, in fact, produce additional income if usage increases. Thus, the response is adequately developed and satisfactorily organized to show how the argument depends on questionable assumptions.

However, this essay does not rise to a score of 5 because it fails to consider several other unstated assumptions (e.g., that the survey is reliable or that the efforts to clean the river will be successful). Furthermore, the final paragraph makes some extraneous, unsupported assertions of its own. Mason City may actually have a budget surplus so that cuts to other projects will not be necessary, and cleaning the river may provide other real benefits even if it is not used more for water sports.

This response is generally free of errors in grammar and usage and displays sufficient control of language to support a score of 4.

Essay Response — Score 3

Surveys are created to speak for the people; however, surveys do not always speak for the whole community. A survey completed by Mason City residents concluded that the residents enjoy water sports as a form of recreation. If that is so evident, why has the river not been used? The blame can not be soley be placed on the city park department. The city park department can only do as much as they observe. The real issue is not the residents use of the river, but their desire for a more pleasant smell and a more pleasant sight. If the city government cleans the river, it might take years for the smell to go away. If the budget is changed to accomodate the clean up of the Mason River, other problems will arise. The residents will then begin to complain about other issues in their city that will be ignored because of the great emphasis being placed on Mason River. If more money is taken out of the budget to clean the river an assumption can be made. This assumption is that the budget for another part of cit maintenance or building will be tapped into to. In addition, to the budget being used to clean up Mason River, it will also be allocated in increasing riverside recreational facilites. The government is trying to appease its residents, and one can warrant that the role of the government is to please the people. There are many assumptions being made; however, the government can not make the assumption that people want the river to be cleaned so that they can use it for recreational water activities. The government has to realize the long term effects that their decision will have on the monetary value of their budget.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 3

Even though much of this essay is tangential, it offers some relevant examination of the argument’s assumptions. The early sentences mention a questionable assumption (that the survey results are reliable) but do not explain how the survey might have been flawed. Then the response drifts to irrelevant matters — a defense of the city park department, a prediction of budget problems and the problem of pleasing city residents.

Some statements even introduce unwarranted assumptions that are not part of the original argument (e.g., "The residents will then begin to complain about other issues" and "This assumption is that the budget for another part of city maintenance or building will be tapped into"). Near the end, the response does correctly note that city government should not assume that residents want to use the river for recreation. Hence, the proposal to increase funding for riverside recreational facilities may not be justified.

In summary, the language in this response is reasonably clear, but its examination of unstated assumptions remains limited and therefore earns a score of 3.

Essay Response — Score 2

This statement looks like logical, but there are some wrong sentences in it which is not logical.

First, this statement mentions raking water sports as their favorite recreational activities at the first sentence. However, it seems to have a ralation between the first sentence and the setence which mentions that increase the quality of the river's water and the river's smell. This is a wrong cause and result to solve the problem.

Second, as a reponse to the complaints from residents, the state plan to clean up the river. As a result, the state expects that water sports will increase. When you look at two sentences, the result is not appropriate for the cause.

Third, the last statement is the conclusion. However, even though residents rank water sports, the city government might devote the budget to another issue. This statement is also a wrong cause and result.

In summary, the statement is not logical because there are some errors in it. The supporting setences are not strong enough to support this issue.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 2

Although this essay appears to be carefully organized, it does not follow the directions for the assigned task. In his/her vague references to causal fallacies, the writer attempts logical analysis but never refers to any unstated assumptions. Furthermore, several errors in grammar and sentence structure interfere with meaning (e.g., "This statement looks like logical, but there are some wrong sentences in it which is not logical").

Because this response "does not follow the directions for the assigned task" and contains errors in sentence structure and logical development, it earns a score of 2.

Essay Response — Score 1

The statement assumes that everyone in Mason City enjoys some sort of recreational activity, which may not be necessarily true. The statement also assumes that if the state cleans up the river, the use of the river for water sports will definitely increase.

Rater Commentary for Essay Response — Score 1

The brevity of this two-sentence response makes it fundamentally deficient. Sentence 1 states an assumption that is actually not present in the argument, and sentence 2 correctly states an assumption but provides no discussion of its implications. Although the response may begin to address the assigned task, it offers no development. As such, it is clearly "extremely brief ... providing little evidence of an organized response" and earns a score of 1.

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